Monday, October 16, 2006

Pennsylvania Democrats Seek Senate Candidate

Pennsylvania Democrats were thrown in a tizzy this morning by the dismal debate performance of a candidate they presumed to be “Bob Casey, Jr.” In fact, it now turns out the candidate is an empty suit, and the Democrats have only just figured it out.

According to Pennsylvania law, it is too late to replace the candidate on the ballot. However, the Keystone State’s Democratic Party claims to have plans for just such an occasion. “We will tell voters that a vote for Bob Casey Jr. is really a vote for Bob Casey Sr.,” a Democratic operative said, referring to the late Governor. “Even though he is dead, it won’t bother the thousands of dead voters in Philadelphia we rely on in order to achieve any margin off victory. For once, one of them can actually get elected.”

The operative replied to reported skepticism on the part of the Governor by saying, “Look, Fast Eddie, if it worked for Mel Carnahan and the Missouri Democrats six years ago, why can’t it work for us?”