Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Garden State Parkway, New Jersey Turnpike to Be Married

The New Jersey Supreme Court today ordered the Garden State Parkway and New Jersey Turnpike to be married within the next six months. According to the Court, the ceremony will be held at Exit 11 on the Turnpike, and Exit 129 on the Parkway. "The Authorities governing these roadways have been already merged, so we are just making it legal" said the Chief Justice. "“Anyway, these two roads have been tied in knots for several years."

While details of the impending nuptials are sketchy, it is believed that the ceremony will involve several VW Beetles bearing flowers, large barrels unearthed from a landfill in Jersey City, and large veils covering the tollbooths. Those who wish to give gifts may do so through EZ-Pass. However, due to laws and Constitutional amendments in several states, the taxpayers of these states will not be forced to use their EZ-Pass money to donate.

Single-lane road groups launched an immediate protest at the Vince Lombardi Rest Area. "Toms River should only be marrying Elizabeth!" shouted several angry protesters. However, the rally was cut short when former Governor James McGreevey was found in a restroom stall.

In response to the impending actions in New Jersey, the Pennsylvania Turnpike Authority has placed a large rubber barrier at the spot where the western Turnpike Extension reaches the Delaware River.