Madonna Blasted by Environmental Groups

Malawi Adoption Causes “Global Warming”

Several environmental groups today blasted pop singer Madonna for her adoption of a boy from Malawi. According to recent reports, such an adoption causes the increase in the “ecological footprint” of Great Britain (ranked #16 out of 141 countries), where Madonna lives. Malawi ranks 126 out of 141 on the same scale. The world would be better off leaving the child in squalor and disease exposure in a Third World country where he is less likely to cause increased emissions if greenhouse gases. “Maybe she would prefer to live an American Life” said a press release from Coalition Advocating Cancelling Adoptions by Celebrity Activists that Cause Childhood Affluence (CACACACCA), one of the associated environmentalist member groups.

The singer herself had no reaction, but a spokesperson implied that this is still a material world, and Madonna is a material girl. Some environmental groups reported threats of getting “something to remember.”

The Bush Administration got involved in this issue by proposing a compromise based on emissions trading. Every time a celebrity adopts a child from a poor country, the United States would deport a member of the Kennedy or Gore families in response. “You'll get rid of so much hot air that there will be a foot of snow in Crawford – in July!” said President Bush with a wink.