Obama Administration Justifies Support for Higher Gas Prices

Tired of Being “Dogged” by Criticism

In an unusual admission today, the Obama Administration doubled down on support for higher gas prices.  According to Press Secretary Jay Carney, the Administration became concerned after hearing reports of how Republican Presidential hopeful and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney had driven on a family vacation with the family dog in a cage strapped to the roof of the car.  “Having a dog in a cage reduces vehicle fuel economy,” stated Carney.  “With higher gas prices, people will think twice about reducing their mileage with that kind of aerodynamic drag.  Our Nobel Prize-winning Energy Secretary showed us the calculations, and they blew us away.  This could be the biggest thing since the President’s suggestion from the 2008 campaign to have everyone inflate their tires properly.”

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton joined the press briefing to add her own support to Administration policy.  “Once Bill and I were in the car and I got mad at him for buying a dozen Big Macs.  I hadn’t thrown more than three of them out the window before we got into an argument.  The next thing I knew he had pulled this big cage out of the trunk, stuffed me into it, and strapped it to the roof.  If you think being on a car roof while on a trip to Canada was bad enough, you should try being in Arkansas during the summer!

“All this time I was wondering why he kept that cage in the trunk among the payoff checks.  I should have known better than to believe Bill when he winked and said it was for cigar boxes.”

Vice President Joe Biden, ever the one to be sensitive to Asian people, added that he had a practical solution to keep the dog occupied during long road trips.  “In honor of the Secretary of Energy, we have provided stimulus money to one of our generous donors to develop a ‘Chu toy.’  Get it?”

Cross-posted to Virginia Virtucon

Tim Kaine Presents Birth Control Compromise

Flushed with Pride

Virginia U.S. Senate candidate and former Governor and Tim Kaine (D) has presented an idea that he is sure will satisfy the Catholic church over new regulations promulgated by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) that require employers to provide abortion and birth control coverage in health insurance policies. Kaine proposes to close highway rest stops across the nation, and use the money saved to fund birth control pills and abortifacents for those employees of institutions that have moral objections to paying for health insurance policies that provide these products and services. “I am demonstrating how my leadership in Virginia transportation issues can benefit the nation,” said Kaine in a brief statement. “Not only will we achieve important political goals, but this compromise will cut the budget and benefit the environment as well.”

The White House was cautiously optimistic about Kaine’s proposal. “Tim Kaine knows a lot about traveling around as he did so much of that while he was Chairman of the Democratic National Committee during his term as Virginia Governor,” said a spokesman. “Since he has been such a vocal supporter of the President’s health care law, we are glad that he is always willing to help impose all its sizeable mandates.”

The campaign of former Senator George Allen (R) had not comment on Kaine’s proposal. However, it is believed that the National Republican Senatorial Committee will present ads showing how Kaine’s ideas are still quite costive.

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon.

Blog-iversary!

Yes, it's the 5th anniversary of the Isophorone Blog. As time goes by I seem to post less and less here. That's life. It's also my birthday, and a big one.

Here's something interesting: I was reading a Dr. Seuss book to my younger son, and there was a creature in the book called a "Blogg." Maybe he was ahead of his time!

A Real Lemon of an Endorsement

Recently, Steve Spiker posted at NoVA Common Sense about the Washington Post’s endorsement of John Cook over Janet Oleszek for Braddock District Supervisor in Fairfax County. With all due respect to Steve and the rest of my friends there, I must register my emphatic disagreement. You may find this surprising, particularly on this blog, but when you read my reasoning, I think you will understand.

You and the Post completely miss the point here. Janet Oleszek is the only candidate who can bring ZESTY LEMON BARS to the Fairfax Board of Supervisors. Ask yourself -- how have we been able to get along so well in Fairfax without ZESTY LEMON BARS. When Oleszek was on the School Board between 2003 and 2007, she was 100% committed to bringing ZESTY LEMON BARS to the School Board to do her part to add to the conversation on important school quality issues.

In fact, Janet Oleszek makes ZESTY LEMON BARS an important part of the diet of her campaign manager, a person who is not smart enough to boil an egg, so he does not suffer from carbohydrate or cholesterol deficiencies (which are highly underreported health problems in this country). Do you see the Washington Post taking about these kinds of challenges? NO! Then again, this is the same kind of corrupt newspaper that chooses not to report about Janet Oleszek's ZESTY LEMON BARS.

So remember, if you are a Fairfax County resident who is only concerned about "constituent service, able representation, and someone attempting to represent the whole of the district and not just their friends," go ahead and vote for John Cook. But if you want to add a new "flavor" to the Board of Supervisors with ZESTY LEMON BARS, then you should vote for Janet Oleszek.

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon.

Obama Speech as Borscht Belt Comedy Routine

Much shorter version, too! Pardon the Portuguese translation in this video:

Little Known Reason for Budget Talk Collapse

“Forced to Read the Bill”

Budget talks between the White House and Congressional Republicans broke down on July 22 due to a “different vision” of the pending legislation. More importantly, President Obama was angered not only by the Republican “cut, cap, and balance” debt reduction plan, but also by the insistence by Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) that the President actually read the legislation.

“This is perfectly unfair,” the President was heard to storm at aides behind closed doors. “My old pastor Jeremiah Wright used to call these kinds of demands ‘chutzpah!’ We managed perfectly well for two years without having to read any laws. Now these Republicans want me to read what they write? For that matter, read what I write? I never had to read a thing at Occidental, Columbia, or at Harvard Law School. Good thing, too, because I never understood that sh*t.

“It’s bad enough what has been happening to my eyesight since I took office. My golf game is going to hell. If I have to read hundreds of pages of laws that I sign, I’ll have to get new glasses. Michelle says that I will look like a black version of Eric Cantor, and she’s taking away the cigarettes and milk shakes!”

Asked by reporters about the disagreement over the budget, White House spokesman Jay Carney said that “The President shows leadership by not reading. If you want to read, go join some tea party!”

A bipartisan group of Senators , led by Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) and Richard Lugar (R-IN), also including Daniel Inouye (D-HI), Daniel Akaka (D-HI), Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), and Chuck Grassley (R-IA) has pitched in to help. This “Gang of Sick,” representing the oldest members of the U.S. Senate, indicated their willingness to help President Obama with his reading problems. “We remember when Strom Thurmond and Robert Byrd were alive,” said Lautenberg, 87. It was tough for those old coots to read just about anything, and let’s just say that our bladders don’t give us a lot of room for endurance. It’s damn hard dragging six-inch thick draft bills to the toilet, especially when you have a walker. Now where was I again . . .?”

Talks may resume this weekend or early next week. “Sasha and Malia have volunteered to help,” said Obama. “I trust their perspective more than anyone’s. Not only can they read stuff for me, but maybe they can help me with my negotiating skills. Former President Carter called me and told me to enlist my girls to help, and I think that is excellent advice.”

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon

New Weird Al Parody Inspires Left-Wing Blogger Hair Styles

"I Perform This Way"

All that's missing is a burgundy suit!