Repairing Hillary’s Image

Real Ideas You Won’t Find Anywhere Else
This morning, we heard on WMAL that the New York Times ran an article on the problem with former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s campaign, and how her campaign is trying to change her image to being one of a more fun and spontaneous person.  In the spirit of bipartisanship, we would like to lend our assistance to this effort with our suggestions.

• Hillary Clinton should just “get drunk and be somebody.”  We should probably watch the amount imbibed so she doesn’t become a “mean drunk” (since she is pretty mean sober).  Then again, maybe she is nicer the drunker she is.  Per haps her good friend Terry McAuliffe can suggest an array of libations, since he says he likes to go out to drink for important government business.

• We all know that Bill Clinton comes across as a fun and spontaneous person.  Perhaps Hillary should try to “borrow” from her husband’s playbook.  In this case, it might involve Huma, Mr. Huma, and maybe Sid Vicious.

(At this point, we will refrain from providing details as we are trying to keep this blog family-friendly.)

• Unfortunately, Hillary is about her most natural when riding a broomstick.  Perhaps she can leverage this into an advantage.  Besides, she is unlikely to win Kansas.  Don’t throw water on her as it might dissolve her as well as mess up her newest hairdo.
• Hillary can empathize with us poor slobs by doing radio traffic reports.  She may have just the serious, sarcastic voice to pull this off!  Besides, her broomstick can fly in more weather conditions than the standard traffic helicopter.
• Another idea is for Hillary Clinton to take a page from Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker and pose on a motorcycle.  Put a leather outfit on Hillary and it is clear she has the “build” for a Harley.  All that leather is bound to excite a certain segment of her supporters, especially a certain former leftist blogger we can all think of.  In addition, by wearing the helmet, she can only improve her looks.  Of course, the helmet will likely mess up her hairdo.
• But then again, Hillary Clinton is never going to change who she is.  Instead of the latest “look du jour,” why not present the real person?  Her slavishly-devoted friends at the New York Times and MSLSD could probably make boring fake feminist killjoy the new cool, “in” thing, and you are nothing but a hateful racist misogynist if you don’t get with the program!

Remember, you read it here first!

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon

Keystone Positions

I heard today that Hillary Clinton would not take a position on the Keystone Pipeline. Didn't Bill cheat on her because she would not take positions?

Happy 200th Birthday to the National Anthem

Francis Scott Key wrote "The Star-Spangled Banner" on September 14, 1814.  Here is a rendition of the complete song performed with a decidedly early 19th Century flair by a group from the University of Michigan.

NEWS FLASH: Illegal Alien Children Cause Global Warming

Details at Virginia Virtucon

If You Can Keep It

Benjamin Franklin:  "A Republic, if you can keep it."

The Barack Obama version:  "If you like your republic, you can keep it.  Period."

Blogiversary!

Wow seven years since I started this thing (and it's my birthday, too).  Yet, this is the third post or so since the last blogiversary.  Oh well, life gets busy, commutes get long, and children grow up too fast.  I think of stuff but don't get around to posting the way I used to.  Well, we'll see what happens over the next year.

Libya Limericks

According to CBS News, former Assistant Secretary of State for Maghreb Affairs Raymond Maxwell has been writing poetry about the Benghazi scandal.  The Obama Administration has been eager to frame Mr. Maxwell, a Navy veteran and 20-year foreign service officer, for the terrorist attack in Benghazi that resulted in the deaths of four Americans, including the Ambassador.

If Mr. Maxwell can write poetry, so can we!  Here is a little limerick to complement his efforts:

There was an old lady named Hillary

Who left staff to be killed by artillery,

Her response took the cake:

“What difference does it make?”

She’ll soon need to hire a consiglary!

(Yes, I know it’s “consigliere.”)

If it makes you feel better, I plan to keep my day job!

Now on Twitter!

Follow Isophorone Blog on Twitter at @Isophorone.

Blogiversary!

It's the 6th anniversary of Isophorone blog.  (I have to look at last year's post or I lose track.)  It's also my birthday, which I do not have to look up.  Sorry about light posting, but life gets in the way.  Maybe I should join Twitter . . .

Obama Releases Advertisements Condemning 2016 Film

Indicates Movie is Cause of Violence

The Obama Administration today released a series of advertisements in Egypt, Pakistan, Libya, Tunisia, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, and Harvard Law School condemning the Dinesh D’Souza film 2016: Obama’s America and apologizing for a “radical Tea Party culture that promotes the First Amendment.”  The President remarked in the ad that “just like Christians who made fun of the Prophet Mohammed to anger you, my Muslim brothers, so did the Christian right commit further atrocities in the making of the 2016 movie.”  According to reports

The ads show clips of President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton condemning the film in English (but dubbed in Arabic, Urdu, and Legalese) in remarks they made last week, emphasizing that it was not produced or authorized by the United States government.

State Department Spokeswoman Valerie Nuland indicated that the film was responsible for the spontaneous terrorist attack that took place at the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi, Libya as well as demonstrations at U.S. embassies around the world.  Given D’Souza’s Indian background, she indicated that Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton would have harsh words for the Indian Prime Minister, demanding that he stop its release in India “or we will treat India just like Britain, Poland, and Israel.”

United Nations Secretary Ban-Ki Moon reiterated the point by saying “When some people use this freedom of expression to provoke or humiliate some others' values and beliefs, then this cannot be protected in such a way.”

It is believed that President Obama hopes that by launching these ads, he can appease the Muslim world in light of the recent violence.  In addition, the White House said that this would be part of a new effort “because you can’t change Washington from the inside.” 

Cross posted at Virginia Virtucon.

Democrats Claim McDonnell “Poisoned” Biden

“Simplest Explanation” for String of Gaffes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=3rMfztUWy7c

The Obama campaign, in a desperate attempt to defend Vice President Joe Biden, lashed out at Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell and accused the Governor of “poisoning the Vice President.”  Deputy Campaign Manager Stephanie Cutter added that “no one can make that many stupid remarks unless they were under the influence of drugs or someone slipped in a toxic substance.  Given that this statement was made in Blacksburg, Virginia, and the comments on chains and about “winning in North Carolina” also occurred in Virginia, our campaign is starting to suspect foul play.”

Governor McDonnell’s office shot back at the Obama campaign.  “Joe Biden’s string of embarrassing remarks are the result of drinking his own Kool-Aid for too many years.  He should have stuck to donuts.”

Cross posted at Virginia Virtucon.

Biden Explains Chains Remark

“Trying to Regain Porn Star Vote”

Vice President Joe Biden today accused Republicans wanting to “put y’all back in chains.”  A spokesperson for the Obama campaign later admitted that the Vice President had become deeply concerned ever since porn star Jenna Jameson declared her support for Republican candidate Mitt Romney that more of the Democrats’ natural constituency might abandon them.  “It’s bad enough that people in industrial unions, suburban moms, and other previous supporters are not likely to support the President,” said the spokesperson.  “But when we lose even the aging porn stars we know that we have a big challenge ahead.  Who knows how many are attracted by Paul Ryan’s buff figure?”

The Administration has gone into overtime mode trying to meet this new challenge.  Secretary of State Hillary Clinton along with Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano proposed the most aggressive strategy, code named “Whips and Spurs.”  Clinton said that this kind of imagery will help woo back adult film actors to be alongside of their more “legitimate” Hollywood colleagues.  “There’s very little difference among all these actors,” said Clinton.  “I think that we can help them see how much they have in common.  I might add that ‘whips and spurs’ help keep Bill in line, and Huma tells me that they have helped to control Tony, also.”  It is believed that the Obama campaign will solicit the service of left-wing bloggers to test the strategy, starting in Northern Virginia.

Reaction from the Romney camp was terse.  “Mr. President, get your campaign out of the dungeon,” said the former Massachusetts Governor.  “Your failures are clearly ‘torturing’ you!”

Grow the Middle?

I was trying to have a relaxing time watching the Olympics with my family when an Obama ad appeared on  TV.  In it, the President expressed the desire to “grow the middle.”  At this point, I saw how this message could go completely awry.  (Parody?  Who, me?)  Now I don’t want to appear disrespectful to anyone who is overweight (hey, I could stand to lose a few pounds myself), but the concept of “grow the middle” sounds like Obama wants us to get lazy with big bellies and rear ends.  I mean, what does Michelle “fight obesity” Obama think of that?  Even worse, the whole thing starts to remind me of other Democrats like Al Gore or Barney Frank or Ben Tribbett or people like them.  Ewwwww!



This presents a great opportunity for the Romney campaign.  While Obama may want to grow the middle (and the bureaucracy), America grows when the government is lean and fit.

(Thanks to Riley for the artistic contribution.)

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon.

Obama Administration Justifies Support for Higher Gas Prices

Tired of Being “Dogged” by Criticism

In an unusual admission today, the Obama Administration doubled down on support for higher gas prices.  According to Press Secretary Jay Carney, the Administration became concerned after hearing reports of how Republican Presidential hopeful and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney had driven on a family vacation with the family dog in a cage strapped to the roof of the car.  “Having a dog in a cage reduces vehicle fuel economy,” stated Carney.  “With higher gas prices, people will think twice about reducing their mileage with that kind of aerodynamic drag.  Our Nobel Prize-winning Energy Secretary showed us the calculations, and they blew us away.  This could be the biggest thing since the President’s suggestion from the 2008 campaign to have everyone inflate their tires properly.”

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton joined the press briefing to add her own support to Administration policy.  “Once Bill and I were in the car and I got mad at him for buying a dozen Big Macs.  I hadn’t thrown more than three of them out the window before we got into an argument.  The next thing I knew he had pulled this big cage out of the trunk, stuffed me into it, and strapped it to the roof.  If you think being on a car roof while on a trip to Canada was bad enough, you should try being in Arkansas during the summer!

“All this time I was wondering why he kept that cage in the trunk among the payoff checks.  I should have known better than to believe Bill when he winked and said it was for cigar boxes.”

Vice President Joe Biden, ever the one to be sensitive to Asian people, added that he had a practical solution to keep the dog occupied during long road trips.  “In honor of the Secretary of Energy, we have provided stimulus money to one of our generous donors to develop a ‘Chu toy.’  Get it?”

Cross-posted to Virginia Virtucon

Tim Kaine Presents Birth Control Compromise

Flushed with Pride

Virginia U.S. Senate candidate and former Governor and Tim Kaine (D) has presented an idea that he is sure will satisfy the Catholic church over new regulations promulgated by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) that require employers to provide abortion and birth control coverage in health insurance policies. Kaine proposes to close highway rest stops across the nation, and use the money saved to fund birth control pills and abortifacents for those employees of institutions that have moral objections to paying for health insurance policies that provide these products and services. “I am demonstrating how my leadership in Virginia transportation issues can benefit the nation,” said Kaine in a brief statement. “Not only will we achieve important political goals, but this compromise will cut the budget and benefit the environment as well.”

The White House was cautiously optimistic about Kaine’s proposal. “Tim Kaine knows a lot about traveling around as he did so much of that while he was Chairman of the Democratic National Committee during his term as Virginia Governor,” said a spokesman. “Since he has been such a vocal supporter of the President’s health care law, we are glad that he is always willing to help impose all its sizeable mandates.”

The campaign of former Senator George Allen (R) had not comment on Kaine’s proposal. However, it is believed that the National Republican Senatorial Committee will present ads showing how Kaine’s ideas are still quite costive.

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon.

Blog-iversary!

Yes, it's the 5th anniversary of the Isophorone Blog. As time goes by I seem to post less and less here. That's life. It's also my birthday, and a big one.

Here's something interesting: I was reading a Dr. Seuss book to my younger son, and there was a creature in the book called a "Blogg." Maybe he was ahead of his time!

A Real Lemon of an Endorsement

Recently, Steve Spiker posted at NoVA Common Sense about the Washington Post’s endorsement of John Cook over Janet Oleszek for Braddock District Supervisor in Fairfax County. With all due respect to Steve and the rest of my friends there, I must register my emphatic disagreement. You may find this surprising, particularly on this blog, but when you read my reasoning, I think you will understand.

You and the Post completely miss the point here. Janet Oleszek is the only candidate who can bring ZESTY LEMON BARS to the Fairfax Board of Supervisors. Ask yourself -- how have we been able to get along so well in Fairfax without ZESTY LEMON BARS. When Oleszek was on the School Board between 2003 and 2007, she was 100% committed to bringing ZESTY LEMON BARS to the School Board to do her part to add to the conversation on important school quality issues.

In fact, Janet Oleszek makes ZESTY LEMON BARS an important part of the diet of her campaign manager, a person who is not smart enough to boil an egg, so he does not suffer from carbohydrate or cholesterol deficiencies (which are highly underreported health problems in this country). Do you see the Washington Post taking about these kinds of challenges? NO! Then again, this is the same kind of corrupt newspaper that chooses not to report about Janet Oleszek's ZESTY LEMON BARS.

So remember, if you are a Fairfax County resident who is only concerned about "constituent service, able representation, and someone attempting to represent the whole of the district and not just their friends," go ahead and vote for John Cook. But if you want to add a new "flavor" to the Board of Supervisors with ZESTY LEMON BARS, then you should vote for Janet Oleszek.

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon.

Obama Speech as Borscht Belt Comedy Routine

Much shorter version, too! Pardon the Portuguese translation in this video:

Little Known Reason for Budget Talk Collapse

“Forced to Read the Bill”

Budget talks between the White House and Congressional Republicans broke down on July 22 due to a “different vision” of the pending legislation. More importantly, President Obama was angered not only by the Republican “cut, cap, and balance” debt reduction plan, but also by the insistence by Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) that the President actually read the legislation.

“This is perfectly unfair,” the President was heard to storm at aides behind closed doors. “My old pastor Jeremiah Wright used to call these kinds of demands ‘chutzpah!’ We managed perfectly well for two years without having to read any laws. Now these Republicans want me to read what they write? For that matter, read what I write? I never had to read a thing at Occidental, Columbia, or at Harvard Law School. Good thing, too, because I never understood that sh*t.

“It’s bad enough what has been happening to my eyesight since I took office. My golf game is going to hell. If I have to read hundreds of pages of laws that I sign, I’ll have to get new glasses. Michelle says that I will look like a black version of Eric Cantor, and she’s taking away the cigarettes and milk shakes!”

Asked by reporters about the disagreement over the budget, White House spokesman Jay Carney said that “The President shows leadership by not reading. If you want to read, go join some tea party!”

A bipartisan group of Senators , led by Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) and Richard Lugar (R-IN), also including Daniel Inouye (D-HI), Daniel Akaka (D-HI), Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), and Chuck Grassley (R-IA) has pitched in to help. This “Gang of Sick,” representing the oldest members of the U.S. Senate, indicated their willingness to help President Obama with his reading problems. “We remember when Strom Thurmond and Robert Byrd were alive,” said Lautenberg, 87. It was tough for those old coots to read just about anything, and let’s just say that our bladders don’t give us a lot of room for endurance. It’s damn hard dragging six-inch thick draft bills to the toilet, especially when you have a walker. Now where was I again . . .?”

Talks may resume this weekend or early next week. “Sasha and Malia have volunteered to help,” said Obama. “I trust their perspective more than anyone’s. Not only can they read stuff for me, but maybe they can help me with my negotiating skills. Former President Carter called me and told me to enlist my girls to help, and I think that is excellent advice.”

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon

New Weird Al Parody Inspires Left-Wing Blogger Hair Styles

"I Perform This Way"

All that's missing is a burgundy suit!