Tim Kaine Presents Birth Control Compromise

Flushed with Pride

Virginia U.S. Senate candidate and former Governor and Tim Kaine (D) has presented an idea that he is sure will satisfy the Catholic church over new regulations promulgated by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) that require employers to provide abortion and birth control coverage in health insurance policies. Kaine proposes to close highway rest stops across the nation, and use the money saved to fund birth control pills and abortifacents for those employees of institutions that have moral objections to paying for health insurance policies that provide these products and services. “I am demonstrating how my leadership in Virginia transportation issues can benefit the nation,” said Kaine in a brief statement. “Not only will we achieve important political goals, but this compromise will cut the budget and benefit the environment as well.”

The White House was cautiously optimistic about Kaine’s proposal. “Tim Kaine knows a lot about traveling around as he did so much of that while he was Chairman of the Democratic National Committee during his term as Virginia Governor,” said a spokesman. “Since he has been such a vocal supporter of the President’s health care law, we are glad that he is always willing to help impose all its sizeable mandates.”

The campaign of former Senator George Allen (R) had not comment on Kaine’s proposal. However, it is believed that the National Republican Senatorial Committee will present ads showing how Kaine’s ideas are still quite costive.

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon.

New Weird Al Parody Inspires Left-Wing Blogger Hair Styles

"I Perform This Way"

All that's missing is a burgundy suit!

Republicans Vote Unanimously on Leaders

Hat tip: BVBL

The Republican Caucus in the House of Representatives not only elected John Boehner (R-OH) as the new Speaker on a unanimous vote, but also, in a spirit of bipartisanship, voted for Nancy Pelosi as Minority Leader. “We have been accused of being uncooperative and partisan,” said new Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA). “However, this is our first step to reach out to the new minority party to help keep them in that lovable situation for a very long time.”

While local Democrat Gerry Connolly (D-VA) did not reveal how he voted, his recent opponent offered words of encouragement. “I definitely support having Nancy Pelosi as Democratic Leader,” said Keith Fimian. "Her presence in such a position will ensure long-term employment for any house inspection business.”

Nancy Pelosi herself was initially receptive to the Republican gesture. However, she became angered when she read the fine print and found out that Republicans were going to require her to fly coach. “So much for having to pass a bill to find out what is in it,” quipped a Republican aide.

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon.

Barack Obama Becomes Catholic?

I was perusing headlines on Drudge Report when I saw this item:

OBAMA GOES TO MASS.

So, it's Sunday, and President Obama is going to MASS? Then it dawned on me that the headline was referring to MASSACHUSETTS.

Has this kind of thing ever happened to you?

37th District Primary Avoided!

Result of Stimulus Spending

In a surprise announcement, the Fairfax County Republican Committee said that a primary was no longer needed for Virginia’s 37th Senatorial District to replace Attorney General-elect Ken Cuccinelli. “Thanks to the stimulus, we have extra Congressional districts, so two of the Republican candidates can run for those and leave the State Senate seat clear for the third candidate,” according to an announcement at the FCRC meeting. “One will be the 37th Congressional District, and the second one has yet to be given a number. It is possible that it will be three digits.”

The extra Congressional districts are believed to be the work of Democratic National Committee Chairman and part-time Virginia Governor Tim Kaine. “I am doing this only in part as a favor to Governor-elect Bob McDonnell,” said Kaine. “But before you raise your eyebrows too much, don’t just think that this is meant to benefit Republicans. Believe me, we’ll move someone into those districts to challenge the Republicans as well.”

Kaine added, “I initially pushed to create the extra districts for Creigh Deeds, Jody Wagner, and Steve Shannon. Jody has already snagged the ‘Zeroth’ district. I even wanted to designate a district for Leslie Byrne, but she just told me ‘Been there, done that.’”