“Trying to Regain Porn Star Vote”
Vice President Joe Biden today accused Republicans wanting
to “put
y’all back in chains.” A
spokesperson for the Obama campaign later admitted that the Vice President had
become deeply concerned ever since porn
star Jenna Jameson declared her support for Republican candidate Mitt Romney
that more of the Democrats’ natural constituency might abandon them. “It’s bad enough that people in industrial
unions, suburban moms, and other previous supporters are not likely to support
the President,” said the spokesperson. “But
when we lose even the aging porn stars we know that we have a big challenge
ahead. Who knows how many are attracted
by Paul Ryan’s buff figure?”
The Administration has gone into overtime mode trying to
meet this new challenge. Secretary of
State Hillary Clinton along with Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano proposed
the most aggressive strategy, code named “Whips and Spurs.” Clinton said that this kind of imagery will
help woo back adult film actors to be alongside of their more “legitimate”
Hollywood colleagues. “There’s very
little difference among all these actors,” said Clinton. “I think that we can help them see how much
they have in common. I might add that ‘whips
and spurs’ help keep Bill in line, and Huma tells me that they have helped to
control Tony, also.” It is believed that
the Obama campaign will solicit the service of left-wing bloggers to test the
strategy, starting in Northern Virginia.
Reaction from the Romney camp was terse. “Mr. President, get your campaign out of the
dungeon,” said the former Massachusetts Governor. “Your failures are clearly ‘torturing’ you!”
