Ralphie Runs Again

Cross Country in a Corvair

Perennial independent candidate Ralph Nader today announced yet another bid for the White House. Nader, who turns 74 on February 27, cited "the youth and inexperience of his major party opponents " as the main reason for yet another quixotic run. "While Ronald Reagan said in 1984 that he refused to make an issue of the age difference between himself and his opponent, I see the issue differently," said Nader. He also dismissed allegations that he has made millions from the stock of the large corporations he publicly deplores, saying, "I can teach those young whippersnappers [Obama and McCain] a thing or two about money and politics."

Ralph Nader also deplored the outsourcing of automotive parts to multiple countries. "I can show that we can tour the country in a small, fuel-efficient, domestically-made vehicle," he said. Unfortunately, all I have to work with right now is a General Motors product from 1965. From what I have read, though, the car is pretty safe."

Democrats, worried about a repeat of Ralph Nader's alleged "spoiler" effect from the 2000 Presidential election, faced the situation with bravado. "He's just a deflated old airbag," said a Democratic National Committee source who asked not to be named. Republicans appeared not to be worried, but were "disappointed in Nader's lack of gratitude for the growth in his portfolio due to President Bush's tax cuts."