UN Condemns Ethiopia

The United Nations today overwhelmingly condemned Ethiopia for its “aggressive actions” against Somalia’s Islamist occupiers. According to a Security Council Statement, “Ethiopia acted without the permission of the Security Council and didn’t even consult France. They are also being victorious without permission” The United States voted against the resolution, prompting several Senate Democrats to denounce outgoing Ambassador John Bolton for “trying to stick his mustache into the nose of Africa.”

Reaction was swift from Iran and the Arab League. According to a spokesman, Yasir al-Goatfuqr, “Ethiopia is in a conspiracy with the Zionists to deny the basic rights to Moslems. Look at how all these Jews came from Ethiopia. They are one and the same.”

Various American antiwar groups were not as enthusiastic to protest at this point. “Well, for one thing, these Ethiopians don’t look Jewish,” said Oregon protest leader Daryl Oshitnik. “Besides, I gotta go see ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ for the 25th time. Don’t tell my Mom, though. She thinks I am applying for a job at Wendys. As IF!!!”