Monday, November 13, 2006

Democrats Channel Henry A. Wallace

Senate and House Democrats, fearing the advice they received from former Senator George McGovern was “too militaristic,” today decided to call upon the spirit of Vice President Henry A. Wallace (1888 – 1965). According to sources, Henry Wallace provided the best example to them in dealing with foreign threats. “The idealism Henry A. Wallace expressed during the 1940s serves as an example to the entire Democratic Caucus,” future House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was heard to say. “His willingness to negotiate with Josef Stalin gives us a strong precedent to open negotiations with Iran. We also plan to seek his counsel on health care policy.”

Not all members of the Democratic Caucus were happy initially. Representative-Elect Keith Ellison (D-MN) expressed outrage over the glorification of “a Southern segregationist.” Eventually, he had to be taken aside and told that Henry Wallace was not to be confused with former Alabama Governor George Wallace, and that Henry Wallace had originally been from Iowa. “Well, you learn something new every day.”