Admits Being Faithful to Wife
In response to reports that Sen. John Ensign (R-NV) had cheated on his wife, Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy (D) has now admitted that he was actually faithful to his. “It’s embarrassing to admit, but I was even sober at the time,” said the Senator. “This sure didn’t happen with Joan. Now you can see how I became such a great role model for Patrick.”
Republicans think that other Democrats are subject to damaging stories, including confirming rumors that Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA) was once polite to a member of the U.S. military, or that Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH?) returned to Earth from Martian orbit.
“There’s no telling where this might lead,” said Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele. “One day, someone might find an image of Hillary Clinton being warm and lovable.”