Sunday, November 08, 2009

Exclusive: Tim Kaine to Run for Cuccinelli’s Senate Seat

You Won’t Read this Stuff Anywhere Else

In a surprise move, outgoing Governor Tim Kaine announced that he was going to run as the Democratic candidate for the State Senate seat being vacated by Attorney General-Elect Ken Cuccinelli. Kaine said, “No Democrats who live in the District seem to be up to the job, and even the others just outside the District are pretty weak. Since I have won District 37 in the past, I am the best positioned candidate to win this seat.”

Kaine pointed out other advantages of the seat for himself. “Now that I am Chairman of the Democratic Party, I have to travel a lot. Dulles Airport is pretty close to District 37. I have a much better choice of flights from Dulles than from Richmond. Besides, as a State Senator, I have just the kind of part time job that suits my travel schedule. I will also be close to Washington, where I can go and take orders from the White House and from my labor union donors. I think I will have a better choice of places to go to trim my eyebrows, also.”

Local Democrats have learned to accept Kaine’s decision. “Honestly, looking for a another house is such a pain,” said Del. David Marsden (D-41). “Let Kaine deal with moving.” Former Democratic candidate Janet Oleszek said, “Initially, I was upset that I was discouraged from running. Now I am excited to see Tim Kaine in the area so I can make him waffles!” Kaine noted that outgoing Del. Chuck Caputo (D-67) was the most welcoming. “He is sharing many colorful cruise catalogs with me. I had no idea he enjoyed these things!” said Kaine.

Local Republicans reacted guardedly. “Clearly, Kaine is seen as a carpetbagger, but he is not originally from Virginia anyway,” said a spokesman for the Fairfax County Republican Committee. “But we welcome Governor Kaine to the area anyway. This way, he too can experience how well his promises on improving transportation in our area have worked.”