Obama Administration Justifies Support for Higher Gas Prices

Tired of Being “Dogged” by Criticism

In an unusual admission today, the Obama Administration doubled down on support for higher gas prices.  According to Press Secretary Jay Carney, the Administration became concerned after hearing reports of how Republican Presidential hopeful and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney had driven on a family vacation with the family dog in a cage strapped to the roof of the car.  “Having a dog in a cage reduces vehicle fuel economy,” stated Carney.  “With higher gas prices, people will think twice about reducing their mileage with that kind of aerodynamic drag.  Our Nobel Prize-winning Energy Secretary showed us the calculations, and they blew us away.  This could be the biggest thing since the President’s suggestion from the 2008 campaign to have everyone inflate their tires properly.”

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton joined the press briefing to add her own support to Administration policy.  “Once Bill and I were in the car and I got mad at him for buying a dozen Big Macs.  I hadn’t thrown more than three of them out the window before we got into an argument.  The next thing I knew he had pulled this big cage out of the trunk, stuffed me into it, and strapped it to the roof.  If you think being on a car roof while on a trip to Canada was bad enough, you should try being in Arkansas during the summer!

“All this time I was wondering why he kept that cage in the trunk among the payoff checks.  I should have known better than to believe Bill when he winked and said it was for cigar boxes.”

Vice President Joe Biden, ever the one to be sensitive to Asian people, added that he had a practical solution to keep the dog occupied during long road trips.  “In honor of the Secretary of Energy, we have provided stimulus money to one of our generous donors to develop a ‘Chu toy.’  Get it?”

Cross-posted to Virginia Virtucon

Tim Kaine Presents Birth Control Compromise

Flushed with Pride

Virginia U.S. Senate candidate and former Governor and Tim Kaine (D) has presented an idea that he is sure will satisfy the Catholic church over new regulations promulgated by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) that require employers to provide abortion and birth control coverage in health insurance policies. Kaine proposes to close highway rest stops across the nation, and use the money saved to fund birth control pills and abortifacents for those employees of institutions that have moral objections to paying for health insurance policies that provide these products and services. “I am demonstrating how my leadership in Virginia transportation issues can benefit the nation,” said Kaine in a brief statement. “Not only will we achieve important political goals, but this compromise will cut the budget and benefit the environment as well.”

The White House was cautiously optimistic about Kaine’s proposal. “Tim Kaine knows a lot about traveling around as he did so much of that while he was Chairman of the Democratic National Committee during his term as Virginia Governor,” said a spokesman. “Since he has been such a vocal supporter of the President’s health care law, we are glad that he is always willing to help impose all its sizeable mandates.”

The campaign of former Senator George Allen (R) had not comment on Kaine’s proposal. However, it is believed that the National Republican Senatorial Committee will present ads showing how Kaine’s ideas are still quite costive.

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon.

Blog-iversary!

Yes, it's the 5th anniversary of the Isophorone Blog. As time goes by I seem to post less and less here. That's life. It's also my birthday, and a big one.

Here's something interesting: I was reading a Dr. Seuss book to my younger son, and there was a creature in the book called a "Blogg." Maybe he was ahead of his time!

A Real Lemon of an Endorsement

Recently, Steve Spiker posted at NoVA Common Sense about the Washington Post’s endorsement of John Cook over Janet Oleszek for Braddock District Supervisor in Fairfax County. With all due respect to Steve and the rest of my friends there, I must register my emphatic disagreement. You may find this surprising, particularly on this blog, but when you read my reasoning, I think you will understand.

You and the Post completely miss the point here. Janet Oleszek is the only candidate who can bring ZESTY LEMON BARS to the Fairfax Board of Supervisors. Ask yourself -- how have we been able to get along so well in Fairfax without ZESTY LEMON BARS. When Oleszek was on the School Board between 2003 and 2007, she was 100% committed to bringing ZESTY LEMON BARS to the School Board to do her part to add to the conversation on important school quality issues.

In fact, Janet Oleszek makes ZESTY LEMON BARS an important part of the diet of her campaign manager, a person who is not smart enough to boil an egg, so he does not suffer from carbohydrate or cholesterol deficiencies (which are highly underreported health problems in this country). Do you see the Washington Post taking about these kinds of challenges? NO! Then again, this is the same kind of corrupt newspaper that chooses not to report about Janet Oleszek's ZESTY LEMON BARS.

So remember, if you are a Fairfax County resident who is only concerned about "constituent service, able representation, and someone attempting to represent the whole of the district and not just their friends," go ahead and vote for John Cook. But if you want to add a new "flavor" to the Board of Supervisors with ZESTY LEMON BARS, then you should vote for Janet Oleszek.

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon.

Obama Speech as Borscht Belt Comedy Routine

Much shorter version, too! Pardon the Portuguese translation in this video:

Little Known Reason for Budget Talk Collapse

“Forced to Read the Bill”

Budget talks between the White House and Congressional Republicans broke down on July 22 due to a “different vision” of the pending legislation. More importantly, President Obama was angered not only by the Republican “cut, cap, and balance” debt reduction plan, but also by the insistence by Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) that the President actually read the legislation.

“This is perfectly unfair,” the President was heard to storm at aides behind closed doors. “My old pastor Jeremiah Wright used to call these kinds of demands ‘chutzpah!’ We managed perfectly well for two years without having to read any laws. Now these Republicans want me to read what they write? For that matter, read what I write? I never had to read a thing at Occidental, Columbia, or at Harvard Law School. Good thing, too, because I never understood that sh*t.

“It’s bad enough what has been happening to my eyesight since I took office. My golf game is going to hell. If I have to read hundreds of pages of laws that I sign, I’ll have to get new glasses. Michelle says that I will look like a black version of Eric Cantor, and she’s taking away the cigarettes and milk shakes!”

Asked by reporters about the disagreement over the budget, White House spokesman Jay Carney said that “The President shows leadership by not reading. If you want to read, go join some tea party!”

A bipartisan group of Senators , led by Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) and Richard Lugar (R-IN), also including Daniel Inouye (D-HI), Daniel Akaka (D-HI), Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), and Chuck Grassley (R-IA) has pitched in to help. This “Gang of Sick,” representing the oldest members of the U.S. Senate, indicated their willingness to help President Obama with his reading problems. “We remember when Strom Thurmond and Robert Byrd were alive,” said Lautenberg, 87. It was tough for those old coots to read just about anything, and let’s just say that our bladders don’t give us a lot of room for endurance. It’s damn hard dragging six-inch thick draft bills to the toilet, especially when you have a walker. Now where was I again . . .?”

Talks may resume this weekend or early next week. “Sasha and Malia have volunteered to help,” said Obama. “I trust their perspective more than anyone’s. Not only can they read stuff for me, but maybe they can help me with my negotiating skills. Former President Carter called me and told me to enlist my girls to help, and I think that is excellent advice.”

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon

New Weird Al Parody Inspires Left-Wing Blogger Hair Styles

"I Perform This Way"

All that's missing is a burgundy suit!

For Your Musical Entertainment

Kaine Advises Obama on Libya

“Dictator Sure to Be Flushed Out”

Democratic National Committee Chairman and former Virginia Governor Tim Kaine is offering President Obama advice on how to deal with the situation in Libya. “The President should take a cue from my actions in Virginia,” said Kaine. “All we need to do is close all the rest stops on the highways. Since the dictator, Moammar Qadhdhafi surrounds himself with female guards, they will be pissed (pardon the pun) that they cannot stop to freshen up along the roads. They will overthrow Qadhdhafi, and we will not have to fire a shot. This is in keeping with President Obama’s goal of wanting to use ‘non-military means’ against the dictator, as a way of providing support to the rebels there.”

Kaine said that he tried to approach retiring Senator Jim Webb with this idea, but “mysteriously” did not get a hearing. Perhaps my ideas to not mesh well with his ‘Born Fighting’ image,” said Kaine.

President Obama is said to be considering Kaine’s ideas very seriously. “Former Governor Kaine’s ideas have certain raised my eyebrows. He’s not as nasty and pushy as Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Also, I used to get a lot of foreign policy advice from Vice President Biden, but he has been nowhere to be seen recently,” said the President. “It’s like someone has locked him in a closet or something.”

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon

Madonna, With a Twang

"Like a Prayer" covered by Sugarland and Little Big Town:

Facebook Warning

Tomorrow Facebook will change its privacy settings to allow Mark Zuckerberg to come into your house while you sleep and eat your brains with a sharpened spoon. To stop this from happening, go to Account> Home Invasion Settings> Cannibalism> Brains, and uncheck the "Tasty" box.

Cross posted at Virginia Virtucon.

Coming to Theaters April 15

Because it’s the author’s wedding anniversary, didn’t you know? ;)

The trailer is out! What do you think?

Republicans Vote Unanimously on Leaders

Hat tip: BVBL

The Republican Caucus in the House of Representatives not only elected John Boehner (R-OH) as the new Speaker on a unanimous vote, but also, in a spirit of bipartisanship, voted for Nancy Pelosi as Minority Leader. “We have been accused of being uncooperative and partisan,” said new Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA). “However, this is our first step to reach out to the new minority party to help keep them in that lovable situation for a very long time.”

While local Democrat Gerry Connolly (D-VA) did not reveal how he voted, his recent opponent offered words of encouragement. “I definitely support having Nancy Pelosi as Democratic Leader,” said Keith Fimian. "Her presence in such a position will ensure long-term employment for any house inspection business.”

Nancy Pelosi herself was initially receptive to the Republican gesture. However, she became angered when she read the fine print and found out that Republicans were going to require her to fly coach. “So much for having to pass a bill to find out what is in it,” quipped a Republican aide.

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon.

Another Isophorone Blog-iversary!

Four years already? Oh yeah, and I plan to start smoking in 51 years. ;)

Krystal Ball to Model for MSNBC “Lean Forward” Slogan

Hat tips: Virginia Virtucon and BVBL

Krystal Ball, the Democratic candidate for Congress in Virginia’s 1st District, will be the model for MSNBC’s “Lean Forward” slogan campaign. “Based on my photographic history, MSNBC thought I would be a natural for their advertising,” said Ball. “While MSNBC is a bit too conservative for my taste, I am always excited to receive more exposure. Anyway, after this campaign I could sure use the money!”

The leftist blogosphere expressed excitement at the announcement. “This is great news, though she’s not as hot as Rachel Maddow,” said a blogger who gave his initials as “NLS.”

MSNBC is not the only party interested in Krystal Ball. Stephen Colbert was heard to say that “she would be a great asset in preparing future Congressional testimony for me.” Secretary of Treasury Tim Geithner is rumored to make an offer to Ball as a tax preparation consultant given her financial experience. Several Russians are also interested in her for both her pictures and her experiences in publicizing stocks.

Sugarland and Little Big Town in Concert!

I attended a concert at Jiffy Lube Live (formerly Nissan Pavilion) on September 25, 2010. Sugarland was the headline act, but the concert also featured Little Big Town and Randy Montana. The WMZQ side stage also featured other upcoming acts such as Trailer Choir (who were pretty funny), Adam Brand (an Australian artist), and others. Here is a video I made of a performance featuring Sugarland and Little Big Town:

Ethanol-Free Gasoline

Hat tip: Autoblog Green

Are you concerned about damage that ethanol may be doing to your car’s engine or to your gas-powered equipment? Want to make a political statement against this rent-seeking practice? Here is a useful site. It lists and maps stations that sell ethanol-free gasoline. Unfortunately, there are no ethanol-free gas stations in the DC metropolitan area, but we can only hope that this situation changes soon. Anyway, check out the site:

http://pure-gas.org/

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon

Obama Explains NASA Administrator Remarks

President Barack Hussein Obama today explained the embarrassing comments of NASA Administrator Charles Bolden, who described his “foremost” mission (as given to him by the President), was “to find a way to reach out to the Muslim world and engage much more with predominantly Muslim nations to help them feel good about their historic contribution to science, math, and engineering.” The President explained that “I merely want my fellow Muslims to stop using their aeronautical knowledge to fly planes into buildings.” The President also hoped that the “historic contribution to science, math, and engineering would be used for purposes other than blowing up buses, building tunnels for terrorists, or developing weapons of mass destruction.” It is believed that President Obama is using the NASA Administrator as a policy conduit “because it sure beats backing historical allies like Israel and forcing its warring neighbors to make peace.”

White House press spokesman Robert Gibbs expanded on the President’s remarks even more: “The President is setting a good example in science and engineering for the rest of the world. So far, his policies have given us some big numbers in spending and unemployment. We feel like NASA in this regard because the sky is no longer the limit.”

Cross-posted at Virginia Virtucon.

Top Ten Tasteless Jokes about Al Gore Having an Affair

According to the tabloid magazine Star, Al Gore allegedly had an affair with Laurie David, ex-wife of Larry David (creator of “Seinfeld” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm”). As of this writing, no one knows if this report is true, but tasteless humor can’t wait. Here are my thoughts about the alleged affair:

10. Lessons from Al’s old boss finally sunk in.

9. No cigars were harmed in this affair.

8. Gore got really good with “PowerPoint” presentations.

7. Here we always thought that Gore preferred “pie charts” to “bar graphs.”

6. “So I went to this climate change conference and . . . yada, yada, yada.”

5. Al must have viewed his marriage as “An Inconvenient Truth.”

4. Laurie affectionately calls Al mon petit chaud.

3. Al was just trying to prove that the “hockey stick” theory was for real.

2. Clearly, Al Gore was increasing more than his “carbon footprint.”

And the number one tasteless remark is . . .

1. Now we know what Phil Jones of the University of East Anglia Climate Research Unit was referring to when he wrote the e-mail that said “hide the decline.”

Wow, Tell Us What You REALLY Think

Here's a powerful ad from Les Phillip, a candidate for Congress in Alabama:



Ouch!