Saturday, November 24, 2007

Maryland Shocker: Prostitution Vote Included in Gambling Referendum

From Slots to Sluts

A hidden development in the new Maryland tax hike legislation has just been discovered. Along with hikes in sales, income, corporate, vehicle titling, and computer service taxes, the Maryland General Assembly authorized a Constitutional Amendment authorizing slot machines at certain locations. We at Isophorone Blog have since learned that the legislation also allows houses of ill-repute in the State.

According to Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley, this measure will help the City of Baltimore (of which he was Mayor until recently) counteract its high homicide rate. “I feel truly that I have progressed from being Mayor of Baltimore to being Governor of Baltimore,” said O’Malley. Maryland Senate President Mike Miller added “No one will be able to tell the difference between these businesses and the way we’ve been operating in Annapolis for years.”

The General Assembly was reluctant to consider adding this legislation, but strong lobbying by former Governor Parris Glendening changed that. “Now that I am no longer a Professor at the University of Maryland,” said the former Governor,” I need to conduct my political and sociological studies elsewhere. And please don’t tell my wife what I am doing. Three marriages is enough.”

The general plan is to have facilities of differing types, including budget accommodations in the actual Pimlico racetrack horse stalls for those who cannot afford anything else. Locations in Baltimore City and Prince Georges County (convenient to Congress in DC) will probably be used. Still under negotiation is one in Montgomery County. County Executive Ike Leggett says he is generally favorable, but “Duchy Trachtenberg wants to make sure transgendered people are catered to here, and I can’t get approval otherwise.”

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.

Have safe travels, great meals, family harmony, and so on. We plan to spend time with my parents and in-laws.

Then there are the weekend chores. The leaves are getting ahead of my ability to collect them all again. Well, I just tried to fix my weed trimmer/leafblower/vacuum engine (throttle cable was broken, plus the gas tank leaked), so we'll see if the beast works now. (In case you are wondering, yes, my unit has a four-cycle engine.)

Oh, yeah, and it's my 11th wedding anniversary this weekend also.

Be well, everyone!

Wahhabi Worries?

Hat tip: Muenchhausen

A recent Washington Post article says that OPEC plans to fund climate change research to the tune of $750 million. Now I look at this kind of news and scratch my head. But let’s think about this. After all, as we know from watching the “climate change” debate, there’s a lot of “follow the money” going on around here. So I have to come up with all kinds of non-mutually exclusive possibilities:

1) Researchers are looking for another gravy train funding source outside of U.S. and European governments,

2) OPEC fears that expensive oil will make a competing energy technology competitive, and eventually cheaper,

3) OPEC wants to get ahead of the game and control the debate somehow,

4) Natural gas supplies owned by OPEC countries could be made that much more valuable as a “low carbon” energy source,

5) Middle Eastern potentates actually do want to diversify their economies before they become a bunch of date farmers again, and/or

6) Fill in your own cynical answer.

Now I am greatly skeptical about the theories of anthropogenic global warming, but I have to say that watching some of these guys squirm makes me chuckle. Nothing like good old American ingenuity (if some of the green groups would get the heck out of the way), is there?

Monday, November 19, 2007

Pennsylvania Gone Stupid

Hat tip: Mike Antonucci

I'm guessing that Tim Kaine is Jealous he doesn't get to be an Internet star like Ed Rendell!

Out of the Bubble, Into Fresh Air

Hat tip: Intercepts

So do you all remember former California Governor Gray(out) Davis? You know, the one who became the first State Governor to be recalled by the voters in something like 70 years? Well, he is learning how real people live, and had the following to say:

"There's an awful lot to be said about not being in the bubble. In the bubble, your world is aides and speeches, and you're not living a real life, and it's very hard to understand how real people feel about things. I've yet to find a single person, from a busboy to a janitor to a middle manager to a partner in a law firm to a CEO, who wants to give Sacramento disposable income. Not one human being."

Simply profound. And just in time for his 65th birthday. Better late than never, I guess!

Friday, November 16, 2007

Nanotechnology Comes to Hollywood

Science News You Can Use

Inspired by the light prison sentences given to celebrities such as Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan, Hollywood defense attorneys are rapidly adopting “nanotechnology” to help reduce potential sentences even more. Many scientists use nanotechnology to produce particles that are about one billionth of a meter, also called a nanometer. Such products are used in a variety of products and services from windows to sunscreen to environmental cleanup.

The environmental cleanup angle is what got green-sensitive Hollywood interested in new applications of “nano.” According to famed Harvard Law Professor Lawrence Tribe, even criminal sentences for drug abuse, repeat drunk driving arrests, and other crimes that would land an ordinary citizen in jail for a long time can be given “nano scale” to Hollywood celebrities. The ultimate goal is the “nanofelony.” Since a felony is at least a year in jail, a “nanofelony is 0.0315 seconds, or one billionth of a year (0.0316 seconds during leap year).” According to actor Leonardo diCaprio, “this shows that those of us in show business understand high technology the same way we understand the science behind global climate.”

It is also possible that these advances will inspire the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences to create an award for legal defense. Based on diCaprio’s comment, “if Al Gore can receive an Oscar, anything is possible.”

The campaign of Hillary Rodham Clinton is working hard behind the scenes to line up Hollywood support by making quiet promises of appointing judges who believe in nanosentencing. The Hillary! Campaign is working hard to counter possible inroads into Hollywood support by the campaign of former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani. It is believed that Sen. Clinton does have an advantage, since under her husband’s administration, Attorney General Janet Reno employed an early version of “nanoprosecution” of crimes committed by many Clinton supporters.

Major sports figures are very interested in this concept as well. Lawyers for Barry Bonds are believed to be negotiating a “nanomarathon” plea deal. Since a marathon is 26 miles, 385 yards, a “nanomarathon” is 0.0422 millimeters. Combined with a “nanofelony,” this becomes 1.34 mm/second, or about 15.8 feet/hour “hard running.” While even many left-wing law professors think this is reasonable, prosecutors still fear litigation from the American Civil Liberties Union on the grounds of “cruel and unusual punishment.”

Coincidentally, a lawyer formerly associated with O.J. Simpson’s defense team was heard to mutter, “Why didn’t we think of that?”

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Video About Democrat Blogger Wins Country Music Award

Marching to a Different Drummer

You can see it here. The reader can decide on the "reference." LOL

Friday, November 09, 2007

Almost Page One News!

Hat tip: Rich Galen
From the New York Times, November 8, 2007:

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Ma-ca-Connolly Moment

Dang, I wish we had a video!

Mason Conservative has the story of how Fairfax County Board of Supervisors Chairman Gerry Connolly (D-Schoolyard Bully) lost his temper, and maybe more at a recent NAACP candidate forum. Republican Commonwealth’s Attorney candidate Patrick McDade was speaking to the group when Connolly . . .

jumped up and screamed "I'm speaking for Ray Morrogh [the Democrat candidate]!" Connolly then cannonballed to the moderators and grabbed the mic despite the hoots and pleas of the audience. Patrick then spoke up and said something to the effect that Morrogh had his chance to respond and he chose not to attend the event. At this point, Boss Tweed Connolly apparently shouted at the top of his lungs, "Sit down, this is none of your business. Sit down." Patrick then said that it was his business, since Morrogh was his opponent. Gerry responded, "You sit down! You don't run the NAACP! This is none of your business!" He then apparently started a rambling and factually incorrect (shocker!) speech for Ray Ray. And apparently, while Connolly blathered on, people filed out until there was only about a dozen left when Gerry finished. Connolly was scheduled to give the dinner address but bailed. Rumor was he was asked not to speak.

Do we need any more proof that the Democrats take the black vote for granted? I mean, how can anyone act this way in front of any constituent group and expect to make a good impression? Does Connolly think the people at NAACP are stupid? You Democrats keep it up, and we'll peel off another five to ten percent of the black vote in every election.

For those of you from out of town, you should know that Gerry Connolly is blackwhite, and the Commonwealth’s Attorney candidates are both white. The Commonwealth’s Attorney has been occupied for the past 40 or so years by Democrat Robert Horan, who is stepping down. Under Horan’s leadership, Fairfax County has the worst prosecution rate for felonies (72% are dropped to misdemeanors or dismissed altogether), the most overloaded and poorly prepared staff, and some of the worst budgeting of any jurisdiction in the Commonwealth of Virginia. Sure, by Maryland standards he would be considered a tough prosecutor, but we have higher expectations on our side of the Potomac River. Horan is also famous for bungling the prosecution of sniper John Allen Mohammad. See all the details here. Patrick McDade’s opponent has been an integral part of this mismanagement for the past 20 years.

Now Gerry Connolly advertises proudly on the highway signs about how Ray Morrogh is a part of his “public safety team.” With that kind of approach, it’s no wonder we need the Second Amendment!

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Chinese Recall Fortune Cookies

Possible Toxic Message

Chinese authorities, already stung by the recall of lunch bags, are now being forced to recall certain fortune cookies. According to sources, the cookies contain lead on the print used in the paper fortune that is folded into the cookie. The Chinese themselves claim that the lead is only used on fortunes in which the Chinese word for “lead” (when it means the metal and pronounced LED, not when it is pronounced LEED) is defined for the customer and nowhere else. However, Greenpeace charges that the paper itself also “contains dioxins.”

Federal authorities are investigating other potential contaminated cookie batches. One unnamed source said cookies that had “lucky” numbers in the unordered sequence “12-5-1-4” had lead contamination. No actual contaminated cookie dough has yet been found, but more data have yet to be “crunched.”

Human rights activists suspect a more sinister motive in the sudden Chinese authority cooperation. It is suspected that Communist authorities are using the incident to crack down on dissidents. Rumors have been circulating on Chinese human rights activist websites that, in fact, the Chinese government uses prison laborers in unsafe conditions to make many of the cookies, and some of the “fortunes” were really coded messages being spirited out to reveal the names of those “being held prisoner in a Chinese fortune cookie factory.”

Political repercussions are appearing in American politics as well. Some are accusing Democratic hopeful Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) of accepting large contributions from American-based relatives of the Chinese Fortune Cookie Proletariat, many of whom barely speak English and work in low-paying bakery operations in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Connections to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) are also being investigated. One FBI official who asked not to be identified speculated that “you never know whose fingerprints you may find when you ‘dust’ these places. These investigations are not going to ‘fold’ quickly.” Left-wing blog supporters of Hillary are denying any past consumption of the fortune cookies, saying instead that they have always preferred “fresh Twinkies.”

Ironically, Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) was also disappointed with the fortune cookie recall. “I’ve been eating this brand of cookies for four year, and I’ve always found them to be mentally stimulating,” said the Democratic hopeful. “Besides, those fortunes were great sources for a lot of my campaign speeches.” Senator Joseph Biden (D-DE) cautioned Obama on making such a statement, citing his own bitter experience with plagiarism. “He who copy fortune cookie finds campaign crumbled,” Biden allegedly said.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Create Your Own Democrat Blog Post!

So Easy, You Don’t Need a Brain (But It Helps)

First, you write


Make sure you use a PROFANITY or two or six.

Next, cite an anonymous e-mail source, preferably in italics.


Forget to bring camera when photographic evidence would be easy to procure. Ironic when you are the type to stake a reputation on a “Macaca moment.”

Remember not to be caught in the hypocrisy of accusing the Republican candidate of something false, but making excuses for a Democratic Congressman’s unethical and bigoted behavior.

UPDATE 1: Upon further investigation, nothing was there. Witness directly disputes your account. Do not strikeout anything in the original blog post entry.

UPDATE 2: Find another irrelevant way to spin story for Democratic candidate.

UPDATE 3: Juxtapose any false discussion of illegal or unethical behavior with another post praising Hillary Clinton.

UPDATE 4: You find the laws you were trying to cite are also not relevant, are vague, and are certainly misinterpreted by you.

UPDATE 5: Encourage hateful comments by friends.

UPDATE 6: Join Joey for a healthy snack.

UPDATE 7: Threaten the family or employment of any conservative blogger who makes fun of you.